I disconnected decades ago from “being apart of 1 or so groups or organizations!
Growing up, I “never quite felt a true part of anything”. I was “in this or that”. I enjoyed doing this and playing that – but what I did, ate, tasted and felt was just a little bit of who and what I truly was.
As the oldest of 8 – I was part of a big family, and also had huge responsibilities to make sure that everyone was OK.
As a “well liked” class member, I quickly grew to “have many friends” of all types and backgrounds.
Being liked and listened to by many, I soon was nominated and voted to be in Student Council, and soon to be Class President at least every other year.
As being “smart”, (without the need to study or do hardly any homework), I was sometimes “top of the class” and named to the National Honor Society.
As a good athlete, I received Varsity Letters in every sport my school had.–And in some of the sports, I was Varsity and starter and even one of the “stars” before I was in the “normal class or age” (moved up a year or 2).
I had “friends” who were “the Geeks”, “the Jocks”, “the Wild” (party dudes), “the Weird (the artistic and super creative) and also “the Retards” & “Dummies” (as they were called then, being not such a “politically correct time”, & I was friends with “the Druggies & Drunks” (those that drank alcohol in huge quantities and those who used drugs such as acid, a bit of heroin, LSD, marijuana, smoked cigarettes of course and more.
Heck, MOST of my real friends, the ones I hung with the most, where much older than I – some a year or 2 and many 2-6 years older than I. (Think 15 and your friends are 18-24 – Big Difference at those ages).
YES – I “fit into every CIRCLE” there was —- Did I have it ALL? Or Did I have very little?
NO – I Never Felt “Complete” in any one of them. I never quite felt like I WAS THEM — only on the fringe of being their “With Them”.
I was weird! I was unique! Was I lucky enough to “be part of everything” – Or was I “unlucky enough to be part of nothing?”
Throughout my life, I have had many great jobs – Heck MANY GREAT CAREERS – Many very difficult to get (or become) and most go happily about their whole life being in any one of them: “new kid out of school – after few months, Quality Control at large company, then NY STATE Trooper, where 10s of thousands try to get into, while I only took it cause the wife pushed me after being asked to “take the test” by a fellow night school guy (who was Sergeant with NY State Police) – I hated cops or so I thought as a kid. Became one of State’s Top Cops and very frequent author in “Trooper Magazine” because of that. — Yet I never “hang with the guys”. Never felt just like one of them. Never liked taking and not giving as much to the public and taking too much credit for things did not feel right. — Bes job I have ever had – and worst one I have ever had. — Partied with Presidents, CEOs, World’s Rich & Powerful, Kings & Queens and famous “stars”, athletes, and more. Saw and did things that most will never do and most will NEVER BELIEVE. —- Learned A LOT – One of many things was: The HIGHER YOU GO, THE LESS YOU KNOW”(sad but mostly true – those at top know very little other than “how to play the game” and care less about others, only self interests, and little knowledge of what they do and have control over.) SCARY STUFF!
Entrepreneur soon after buying large Laundromat with “no money down” oft used today, quickly adding car dealerships, real estate, while learning and teaching self “Tax Law” and Tax Strategy, and as wealth moved upwards, self taught financial knowledge and investing. I recall my obsession to watch the then only TV Financial Investment Show “Wall Street Week With Louis Rukeyser”, which ran for over 32 years on PBS. I forced my then 3 & 5 year olds to begin to watch and learn and talk about it then too. (I wanted them to be smarter than I before they went out into the world –It worked!).
I became “pretty good” with “stock options” and other investments (options were NEW back then) and started to help other friends with their money.
Eventually I was recruited by a large firm to “help” people and after 1 month, left to start my own firm. (I hated their “give a canned lecture and take their money” approach). The same day I opened “shop”, a Buffalo NY area newspaper owner called and asked for a short article he could print. By the next day, he was swamped with calls and asked me to write weekly column. I wrote “Learning To Use Money” for years for that paper and had a huge loyal following. Business was good too and I soon formed an Accounting Business as I saw how most of the clients had/did receive VERY INCORRECT & Costly Advise. I wanted to save and make then money, not just take their money!
My wife and I got into buying, and rehabing houses and then renting them. We eventually were honored to be called “Land Lords of the Year” by H.U.D. Agencies.
— I am skipping much in between but – eventually “retired” – or so we thought, moved to Florida to be able to ride motorcycles and do outside stuff daily in nice weather. Well, soon I say “things” and I always wonder “why” so went to “Florida Police Academy” to see why so many cops down here acted so “Un-Professional”, while not telling them my background in Law Enforcement. I soon discovered why they do what they do – Poor Training.
Florida DHSMV (DMV for some) contacted me to work with driving and motorcycling “stuff”. Soon noticed how even the famous riders were TERRIBLE Riders – Dangerous techniques for instance. I KNOW BAD! I Was Terrible, BUT thought I was pretty darn good (like most everyone) until I almost got my wife & I killed one evening, totalling my motorcycle. I then learned (after my wife learned the right way, “how to ride”) “really how to ride”, not “just get by”- well most of the time sadly. I saw how terrible both how people learn to drive their cars and ride their cycles. It is a JOKE – No Skills, No Judgment – No “Real” Training by caring, competent people – only people like most – “get in, get out, take their money and “see ya, have a great life”. — You know – The Great American Way of EVERYTHING – Fast, Easy & No Effort Required”. ——— You Can’t Undo Dead” I always say!
Tough to UNDO bankrupt, unhealthy, poor relationships, driving, a “half-assed job”, fix a maimed body or crushed head, and again can’t undo death. Can’t “take back time”! No rewinds! No Resets!
I see so many ill thought out and run matters in all of life – Always seeing and devising such SIMPLE, Yet EFFECTIVE Methods to Do Things “Right” and For The Benefit of ALL!
True I Do Not Fit In To Any Category Yet Am Part Of All Categories! I am MAN. I Am Human. I “Dare To Care” – Dare To Share – Dare To “DO”.
With those thoughts, beliefs and findings, I now “do” while I am “searching” for a “better me” and a “better world”.
I spent most of my life SEARCHING – Searching for What, or Who or How I am.
My conclusion: I am everything and everyone – Yet not one of anything! I am ME. Everyone really is the same. Everyone really “is ME” AND “Is No One Else” . We are THE SAME – We are All Different!
——- Along the “journey of life” I had and have till the day I die is this: I can share and relate to ALL Yet Realize That I Don’t Know ALL”. I am always learning and thinking and contemplating “What If”, How Come and WHY!
—— We all are born with NO SENSE OF our real SELF (what and who we are). Nor are we Born With Any Self Esteem or Sense of Self Worth. We are Born HOLLOW, EMPTY and THIRSTING To Find Our Own Self.
——We are born depending on mommy, daddy, then it grows to teachers, coaches, the principal, then to “the Boss” or Head of Something. We Want To Be “This Famous Person” (athlete, leader, “star” – whatever). We are born with our surroundings being WHAT MAKE US — (or so we think). We need food, shelter – the basic necessities and these almost Force Us “To Comply” with fitting in, being liked, following those above us.
——We THRIVE When We are liked, and “do good”, meaning “the good” is what “Other’s Eyes think is Good”. So We Soon Become and Set Out To Be PART OF SOMETHING — That Is Our Strength – That Is Our Part – That Is What not only Keeps Us Alive, BUT Makes US Who We Are —- Again “what others think of us” – That Is Our Sense of SUCCESS or FAILURE!
NOTE: I have NOT Said much of Who We Really Are, or Who We Want To Be, OR About ANYTHING INSIDE US. Yes – We still are EMPTY! We Still Are HOLLOW. I call most people in our earth “HOLLOW MAN” — completely void of substance INSIDE — Just like “The Tin Man” in “The Wizard of Oz” (or who he “thought he was – No Heart”).
Sadly MOST Go Through Their Whole Life as “The Tin Man”. They quickly grasp onto the group, the club, the sect, the race, the religion, the “class” (money, power, education, where they live, what they do, who they associate with, even “how they think” or is it really “dare to think” —– I call it NOT THINKING, just BLINDLY DOING! —- “Tin Man Syndrome” for sure!
How can someone (or anyone) EVER Become Much of ANYTHING if they JUMP onto ONE BOAT and RIDE THAT BOAT till the day they die? They Can’t! Sadly “They Settle For Being A Part Of” and Never Become anything more.
SELF ESTEEM: They think that “the Masses in Their Large Group” and It’s APPROVAL of THEM = Self Esteem. It Does NOT! It = 0, it = Nothing! ——- Most live and die as NOTHING! TALK ABOUT SAD! Talk About Waste – Wasted life, wasted skills, abilities, thoughts, dreams, and for us all – The Real Brilliance & Creativity & Love & Caring & Joy & Happiness Will NEVER Be Seen, Be Felt, Be Enjoyed By ANYONE, especially THEM. The Whole World Loses Big Time.
——I learned Many Years Ago – that I am Not anything But ALL. As such, I feel confined to “join this or that” as THEY ALL ARE SO NARROW, and NARROW MINDED and Miss Most of The TRUTH – Yet JUMP ON Others and Jump on Other Systems as BEING WRONG!
——They Know of SO LITTLE – YET THIK THEY KNOW SO MUCH – Heck- They Think “They Know It All” WHILE They really MISS MOST OF EVERYTHING and know so little. (Once the mind “closes” and “settles for …”, then it is ALL OVER. —- This is MOST PEOPLE and GROUPS!
Only YOU can Build YOUR OWN SELF ESTEEM, True Sense Of SELF – True Sense of Joy, Happiness, Creativity, LOVE, BEING LOVED and ACCOMPLISHING So Much.
To Reach This Is SIMPLE – Yet So Hard & Dangerous. Dangerous? How so, you may ask. Dangerous in the fact that “We Might Have To Go Through Some Cold Hard Facts and FACE REALITY – about our own self and OUR WEAKNESSES. (Heck, we spent forever having Others Tell Us How Great We Are — That’s WHY We Like The Group, the lifestyle we chose – IT MAKES US “Feel Good”, Feel good about ourselves. It gives us “A REASON FOR BEING” — or so we thought. Yep, we “settled” for “them telling us WHO WE ARE”, What We Should Do” and What We Should ACCEPT” and “Who/What We Should NOT Accept” – THEY (our group) MUST KNOW IT ALL, Right”?
We Mus DARE TO OPEN UP, Put All Defenses DOWN, Question EVERYTHING & EVERYONE and Maybe LOSE All —- all so-called friends, all so called traditions, all assets, all Sense Of SECURITY. We May “Lose Our Own Self” — Oh My!
What did you really lose or risk? Not MUCH. You really never had much or anything but “others who are ACTUALLY Just As Weak (probably weaker – that is most “leaders”- that power gives them “strength and “proof they are right”, they think). Yes- you really never had anything but worthless non-thoughts and worthless support from mostly incorrect and shallow fools.
ONCE YOU LET DOWN all these barriers, THEN and only then will you slowly begin to fill your own Mind, Body & Soul with true value, true strength and truly become a LIVING BREATHING AWESOME BEING. You will then begin to Open The Flood GATES Of “WOW”.
— This is what life really is?, you will ask yourself! You will smile and laugh and re energize yourself and feel like the first day of school – wide eyes- scared and excited at the same time. You will feel like it is Christmas Each & Every Day – where “a new-found gift is discovered each minute of every day. You will find more than you ever thought of Deep Inside that You Never Know Existed. You will also see and feel not just everyone but everything around you in the world is more than amazing. You will always “be the kid in the candy store” tasting LIFE for all it is worth. You will Be A CONTRIBUTOR To The Universe – and think – Wow- all those years I was “JUST THERE” Just Breathing and TAKING – Never GIVING Myself or others ANYTHING of Value. What A Waste — NEVER AGAIN!
I Know these things of which I speak. I was You, I am still and always will be a little bit like You and a part of You.
Now You Will Be a Little Part of and Be A Little Bit of ME — I can’t wait for you to join me in letting You Be You! ——- and that is AWESOME!